BREATHING...

LIFE moves on.. we all know that.Sometimes it moves in mysterious ways and we wonder why. I learned not to wonder..just to accept the fact that God is in control and he doesn't make mistakes EVER. I went to a Senior health fair to connect with others and seek out information and network for job opportunities in our area. I drove through the fog in the early morning on the road I took so many times with my mother.   I noticed the country-side trying to come back to life after this long, long winter. Several deer were chomping on the remnants of cut fields of corn, trees were beginning to turn greener with some buds here and there. I arrived to find many people gathering eating donuts and coffee and chatting about how gas prices were unbearable, and the checks just don't cover increases in living any more.

Long rows of tables lined the cafeteria from many different area companies. I walked and talked with so many about how life is hard for those who cannot deal
with their disabilities and need help sometimes. They all agreed with me. The volume level of so many speaking at once made me think of a giant party without the music.
 I turned a corner and ran smack into two people from the care home where mom stayed. I took a deep breath and hugged the man who spoke at my mother's funeral. The nurse standing beside him was on duty the night mom died. She gave me a hug and asked  how I was doing. Do you lie and say fine or speak up and tell the truth? I spoke the truth.. I told her how hard it has been to try to deal with 60 years of life and giving and selling it to strangers. How quiet the house is without "the boss" around and how I try to cope and do the best I can. He spoke up and said to me.. "your mom was a life-force that is hard to miss..you must give yourself time."..I had to agree with him, she was bossy and stubborn and opinionated that was a fact. Her words still echo in my ears about this or that. All I have to do is listen.

I came down the aisle of tables and another smiling face came up to me. A worker from the local nurses home care hugged my neck. I was very glad to see her again and thanked her for all she did those many months. I had not thought about how many people I would see there I really DID know. Two hours later, I left after having a great conversation with our local librarian. New changes there sound very exciting. I recieved a call later stating that I had won a door prize after I left. All of the prizes were donated of course, but the one that I got  will last me a whole year. A membership to the local senior center and all it's services. Technically, I am barely a senior, but I am sure some of the services will really be helpful. What a nice surprise..I rarely win anything. Will let you know later how it goes.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! 

  

LIFE IN JAPAN AFTERWARDS..

 I came across this link and address at Facebook from a person who is really in Japan reporting in English from there. The videos and reporting tell the real story there.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MR7u8xSr-8
It is so hard to watch from afar and wonder what will happen next and what, if anything, one can do to help. They need everything, much like those people who survived after Katrina happened here in America. Most people are sending the Red Cross
their donations. It's a start, but they will need much more. So much of the gulf states area is still standing exactly like it was 10 years after that horrible hurricane, you have to wonder will Japan ever recover from this all? Time will tell, the Japanese are a strong and honorable people, if anyone can do the work to recover they can. May God Bless Them
and keep them all safe from harm in the coming days and months.     

SIGN OF THE TIMES

I ran across this sign in my travels and whether or not it was against the law to change the slogan of this company, the message came across loud and clear....

I hope no one says or does anything, and it remains as a reminder to the youth

of the town.

THE MOON

WE went on a hunt through the house for certain pictures to be included
in Mom's service. One picture she loved we could not find was the "moon
picture". It was taken back in 1944 at a county
fair. There were several ones taken that day and one of both of my parents. We
haven't found them yet. I search through so many things daily looking for certain
items. TODAY I came across one of the smaller "moon" pictures. How cool
it looks to see your parent in a different light. What was happening the day
it was taken is not known to me, but Mom told me that Dad loved to go to fairs and
ride the rides. We took him to visit the fair even into his elder years while in a wheelchair. Going through the multitude of boxes there is something new every day to see.

I did find a nice tea pot and sugar and creamer set of Blue Willow that mom saved. What happened to the rest of the dishes is a mystery, I wish I had them too. Along with the treasures, an old hat and a coat mom wore in the 40's. Who knew
that they would be back in style someday. They were preserved well and could be used as a costume in a play so may be donated. Each day I travel back in time
wondering what new thing I will find in the next box.

ICE!!

IT is everywhere...heavy and cold and sidewalks and roads are slushy and slippery. Tomorrow is another day and the daylight will reveal the wonders of it all.. 

PM

A.M.

The trees and bushes are crackling..more snow on

the way. Hurry Up Spring!!

RESTING

MOM is finally at rest. She struggled so in her last days that we are so glad she no longer has to endure. My brother died twenty years ago this April and my mother spoke about being reunited with him and my father. I know she is happy where she is but her presence has left a large space in my heart. I had left the center for only a few minutes when my Sis called me back and I raced as fast as I could to get there. When I
ran into the room they told me she had just passed away a moment before. We sat with her for a good long time.

                                  
Upon hearing that mom had passed away, staff came from all over the center where mom was. The room was filled with people coming and going and praying with us. We truly had no idea what kind of affect she had on the staff there. Some staff called employees who were at home and broke the news to them. There were many tears and many hugs and many stories passed in the hours we sat and talked while arrangements were made. We truly did have mom in the right place for her passing. The next days will be stressful but we know mom is in a better place now and resting with loved ones and very happy. That is truly a comfort to us.

Please KNOW I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers from all of you at this time. It what helps me get through my days. My cyber family is THE BEST!!!
  

WINTERS FURY

Wow a blizzard!  We got one and it lasted all night long. Sometimes the snow was  coming sideways and sometimes one to two inches an hour. When all was said and done..about 10 inches or more. The drifts were more like 14 inches in my driveway.

It wasn't a silent night that is for sure. Usually when we get a snow storm everything is pretty quiet except for the snow plows. This storm was noisy.. wind blowing and knocking around everything not nailed down. That is the view last night out my front door. Scary looking and not any vehicles on the road either.

After the snowplow guy came and moved all my snow out of my driveway you could hardly see the neighbors who walked by next door. They are standing up behind that pile.

The porch wasn't too bad itself but my steps were completely snowed in. Took me quite awhile to dig them out. Snowblowers are working overtime this afternoon now that the sun is shining. The groundhog did NOT see his shadow.. SPRING cannot come fast enough for me.

QUICK UPDATE..

THINGS are happening sometimes here at lightning speed, at other times at a snails
pace. Hard to tell what will go on from one day to the next. Have had little on line time to catch up with everyone. This I truly miss a whole lot. I miss all my blogging family.
Mom's condition has deteriorated lately and we are continuing to speak to counselors and doctors,. therapists and Hospice workers. The whole process is mind boggling. What will be paid for and what isn't covered is sometimes shocking. I have years of experience under my belt with elderly care and their concerns and tribulations. I sure am glad now, because it is really coming in handy.I would hate to be traveling down this road without some prior knowledge of how things work. The things that happen daily could be written in a book...in fact... I have been documenting Mom's whole

journey from the beginning. No wonder I completely wore out one computer and one camera. They sure did the job admirably. Above is the long hallway to the end of the  building. Many times I have found mom rolling down that hallway to look for deer out the doorway windows. The handrails on either side of the hall help the patients by them reaching and pulling themselves along. Probably the one of the most germy places in the building as they rarely are cleaned. The floors and walls and bathrooms etc are always done but the railings not. I avoid them like the plague. 
Well just wanted to catch you all up on what is going on.. lack of time, energy or wifi at home make it extremely hard to get computer time. January is grinding down and
February is at hand..Spring can't come soon enough for me.

TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT...

THAT is the question! We continue to struggle every day to get Mom to eat more. I have asked just about everyone I know for help and advice. The recent health problems that Mom had caused her tongue and taste buds to be so bad that she doesn't have much desire to eat anything. Mom always loved her coffee but doesn't even drink one cup now. Yesterday we did the happy dance because she actually ate

a cup of pudding. I said "What does it taste like Mom?" and she said "White!" I guess there just was no flavor at all. She has the desire..she asked for a cheeseburger without the seeds on the bun. When she got the burger, she took one bite.. that was all. We were crushed. Best I can do is keep trying everything I can. If it were not for those high protein supplement drinks like ensure etc., I just don't know what we would do.
We did find out that some medications do cause things to not have the greatest taste for her so maybe that was the problem..time will tell. The latest thing is, that a side effect of the antibiotic was that she broke out all over.. now her skin is peeling like
a sunburn. It is the talk of the center.. no one has ever seen anything quite like it. The doctor and the surgeon were really surprised. Leave it to Mom to be different from
anyone else in the place.

WINTER VIEW

Took a  pic the other day of this snowman.. it's the only kind we have here now and
he is pretty lonely. There is a promise of some light snow over the next few days,
but nothing that would make a nice partner for him.

Those greens are real. The city provides real garland every year. It's the city that has our county buildings so they have money there to use for decoration. This cold weather will make the garland stick around for quite awhile. It takes them a long time to get the whole city decorated no wonder they wait until middle of January to take them all down.

HEARTBROKEN...REALITY

Sobbing, I walked into the cold, windy afternoon air. I looked into the blue sky and wanted to scream that it is just not fair.. moments before, I watched my mother settle down for a nap. Her words echoed in my ears..

"You get old and then you die a long, hard, slow death."

It was not like anything I had heard her say before to me. I think that in a lucid moment she just could see the reality of what she was going through all these months.

I sat in the car a good long time, trying to clear the frustration out of my system. I have to be able to see to drive my way back home the two miles to my
house.  I started the car and slowly drove out of the long driveway, when something
caught my eye in a sudden motion.

Bounding across the road at least 10 deer running at full gallop.

I was so glad I had stopped for a few minutes and not traveled that

road or something bad could have happened.

2011 came in here with blue skies, green grassy fields and

many thoughts of what the year will bring.

My father died on New Years Day

seventeen years ago.

WE MISS YOU DAD!