Friday, April 8, 2011

BREATHING...

LIFE moves on.. we all know that.Sometimes it moves in mysterious ways and we wonder why. I learned not to wonder..just to accept the fact that God is in control and he doesn't make mistakes EVER. I went to a Senior health fair to connect with others and seek out information and network for job opportunities in our area. I drove through the fog in the early morning on the road I took so many times with my mother.   I noticed the country-side trying to come back to life after this long, long winter. Several deer were chomping on the remnants of cut fields of corn, trees were beginning to turn greener with some buds here and there. I arrived to find many people gathering eating donuts and coffee and chatting about how gas prices were unbearable, and the checks just don't cover increases in living any more.

Long rows of tables lined the cafeteria from many different area companies. I walked and talked with so many about how life is hard for those who cannot deal
with their disabilities and need help sometimes. They all agreed with me. The volume level of so many speaking at once made me think of a giant party without the music.
 I turned a corner and ran smack into two people from the care home where mom stayed. I took a deep breath and hugged the man who spoke at my mother's funeral. The nurse standing beside him was on duty the night mom died. She gave me a hug and asked  how I was doing. Do you lie and say fine or speak up and tell the truth? I spoke the truth.. I told her how hard it has been to try to deal with 60 years of life and giving and selling it to strangers. How quiet the house is without "the boss" around and how I try to cope and do the best I can. He spoke up and said to me.. "your mom was a life-force that is hard to miss..you must give yourself time."..I had to agree with him, she was bossy and stubborn and opinionated that was a fact. Her words still echo in my ears about this or that. All I have to do is listen.

I came down the aisle of tables and another smiling face came up to me. A worker from the local nurses home care hugged my neck. I was very glad to see her again and thanked her for all she did those many months. I had not thought about how many people I would see there I really DID know. Two hours later, I left after having a great conversation with our local librarian. New changes there sound very exciting. I recieved a call later stating that I had won a door prize after I left. All of the prizes were donated of course, but the one that I got  will last me a whole year. A membership to the local senior center and all it's services. Technically, I am barely a senior, but I am sure some of the services will really be helpful. What a nice surprise..I rarely win anything. Will let you know later how it goes.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! 

  

20 comments:

Beth said...

Sis, I know what you are going through. Even after 4 & 1/2 years I still think of Jim so much. How he would have handled this or that. I know it is hard for you, not knowing what the future holds for you. I pray that you will soon find work and that you will be happy. Your mom would have wanted that for you.
And finally, a little trick that I have used to help me cope. If an unpleasant memory trys to overtake me, I push it aside and focus on a happy memory.
Love for you Sis.
Beth

Joe said...

I hear you on your loss. I still miss my relatives that have passed on...especially my grandparents that I was close to. I can't even imagine life without my mom in particular. We had a taste of this with Lovely's mom in Tokyo...thankfully she's out now so there's relief. We still felt the brush of what it would be like without someone near and dear. Grace to you in a big way my friend. May time heal this would too.

Seeking Serenity said...

wow, you both really had an effect on people! how wonderful to have so many contacts and win a prize!

Gerry Adams said...

Hi Carol, my mom has now been gone for 4 months. It has not been easy and it really isn't over as my siblings and I stll have to take care of her house and try to get it ready to sell soon. It's hard to even go over there, but were doing what out parents wanted us to do after they were gone. There's some comfort in knowing that we're doing that. Other than that it just takes time, and we have a lot of good memories. I hope that things will get easier for you too with the passing of time. Have a nice weekend!

Edie Mindell said...

Reading your post made me miss my mom so much. She was gone a long time ago, but still everytime I remember her, the pain of losing her is still fresh. But as you say, life must go on and we just have to trust in God. Thanks for sharing this one.:-)

Feisty Crone said...

At the end of May, it will be five years since my mom has been gone. It took about two years for the aching sense of loss to subside a bit. Now, sometimes, I stop what I'm doing and know she's standing close by me. It's a comfort. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

CAROLDEE said...

Thanks all of you.. I know it will take time..I just have to breathe and keep taking one day at a time. :-)

Ramblingon said...

I remember the passing of both of my parents and it was exquisite pain. I have thought of you much in these past several years when your Mom's last journey began.

Can the nursing homes help in your quest for work?

xoxox

Terry's Tete-a-tete said...

I hear you on this Carol. Not a day goes by that something doesn't come up that I think of how Mom or Dad would react to it, or something they said would come to mind. Sometimes for no reason at all, just pop in there. Now when I go across the street it's my sister I see and not my parents, but I still feel their presence there. God Bless you Sis.

Anonymous said...

Hello Wonderful... One of the greatest gifts anyone can give another is the gift of their attention... their empathy and themselves! A friendly look, a kind smile and honest word, one good act, and life's worthwhile!!
Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. Healing happens gradually. It can’t be forced or hurried, and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.
All my best to you, thinking of you always.

Lisa said...

I was away when you suffered thought your loss and Im so very sorry. It does get easier . The Memories hang on to and they never leave. I miss my Mom , Dad Brother and Stepdad.
I have a few gone now.
Hugs xxo

Admiral Hestorb said...

Hi Sis..I will email you a better pic.
xox

Unknown said...

God bless you my friend. I know you will find a job. Big hugs.

Seth@ChaosHQ's said...

Just checking in on you because that's what friends do. Your blog got me thinking about just how big this world appears yet how small it is, as we tend to run into people we might have thought that we would never see again.

"... It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

There is just one moon
And one golden sun
And a smile means
Friendship to ev'ryone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all ..."

What a song!!!

Big Dave T said...

I always liked hearing you blog about your mother. Seemed like you and she were a lot alike in many ways. I'm sure there's a part of her in you that will carry on.

The snow's fading here in southeast Michigan but the price of gas keeps surging forward. And they say the price of everything else will keep going up too.

I won a tiny video cam last Christmas here at work. With a new grandson, it turned out to be a great present.

MissBeth said...

i hope you find what you are looking for, sometimes i know you feel lost or alone but after this trip i am sure you feel better knowing there are so many there for you and thinking of you during this transition.I hope your door prize offers many services that you find useful.
Always thinking about you !!

Seth@ChaosHQ's said...

Boy oh Boy, does someone really need to do some dusting around this page. That's what happens when one doesn't pay attention to her page/space.. the dust bunnies take over. ::cough cough:: Bwahahaha!

Seth@ChaosHQ's said...

OK... time to dust off your keyboard and give us an update here on Blogger. Pweeease!? I'm not getting any younger, so you might want to post something and soon. :)

Seth@ChaosHQ's said...

I know that you may not blog here all that often on Blogger, but I am making my rounds and wanted to say 'HELLO'. After all, I am an Equal Opportunity Annoyer you know. :)

Seth@ChaosHQ's said...

Sunday is the one day of the week, that we should try and dump the work/household chores that we have for a while... and relax. Today being Mother's Day, makes it just that much more special. Special wishes go out to all... including those mothers of furry friends!
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