Monday, February 26, 2018


                              my long journey to get there, I landed in several different cities, places, and situations. One was a tiny apartment that smelled like smoke and cats. No telling who lived there before me, but I was so glad just to be there for awhile. It lasted 4 months.I went out of state for a few weeks to check some jobs and places out. That lasted 3 weeks. I stayed with a friend for 4 months near the lake and that was a joy. I had no money to contribute much to bills and such and felt it a burden to stay on. I filled in many many applications and could not find work so I left there with an offer to stay with my sister. That was when the nightmare began. 

I HAD no idea what I was getting into. Sister had a large home full of "stuff". My mother's stuff,some of my stuff, her stuff. It ended up being rooms full of stuff. She
had many rooms sealed off and there was little heat. I stayed in my clothes and coat and slept in a chair in the living room for three days. When I got tired I would go upstairs and sleep in her bed when she got up. I would stay up there and try to move things around in the other room so I could put a bed in there. On the fourth night I had had enough. I made a call to social services to get some help. I used her car to go get some information the next day. When I got back home, there was a bed in the bedroom and I could finally make a space to rest. Social service could put me in a motel for awhile, but the ones in my town were not that good and one was actually dangerous.Sis figured she might get into trouble, so she moved the bed in the room while I was gone.  So I called them and told them I had decided to stay there. 


WHAT we didn't know was that Sis was getting sick. Very sick. I would be needed to help her out and was glad I was there to help. 

 I am a believer that you are where you are supposed to be. I don't question it. 

SO I stayed there at least 3 years. Three LONG years. I had my applications in for apartments and just waited. It was all I could do. I was sick so much of the time, that I could not work. I just did not have the energy to do it. I was looking for an apartment with a "voucher" attached so I could get a section 8 break.Those are so hard to find and with my income I just had to wait.  I got offers to leave there several times for visits with others for awhile. I took them gladly. When I would leave it was like a whole new world. Space, and I could breathe. I hated to go back, but knew I had to. I was beyond thrilled to get the call about the apartment. The ordeal where I was, made me feel like I had been so restricted. I was finally able to wake up from the nightmare and move on.  BUT NOT YET... 
 In the meantime, Sis had to go on STEROIDS. They changed her, and the sister I knew was no longer. She gained weight rapidly and was so easy to irritate that the cat and I gave her all the room she needed to try to deal. I hope I NEVER have to deal with that stuff EVER.  Several years later my sister is still not the person she was, it is a sad thing. Many trips to doctors and being transferred to larger hospitals helped find what was wrong with her. Her life changed drastically. She was forced to go on disability and stop working, she had been working since she was 18. So as she lingered there in the ICU I got the call for the apartment. I told her I would take it sight unseen. I had to wait to see if Sis was going to recover well. She had many appointments and could not drive.

 I had to wait and that was hard. It was in another town 15 min away. I chose the town because I had no car and could use the transit bus to go out.  It was July and it was hot. A nice older lady had lived in the apartment for  24 years. She was transferred to a nursing facility and that gave the manager time to give the apt a makeover. ALL new everything. It was a real blessing. 
I took the keys and had to get directions on how to get to the place.It was like buying a car or a house sight unseen. I did not know the city well and did not know where to go.  I opened the door and was smacked in the face with the odor of fresh paint, fresh carpet and linoleum. The maintenance man was there still painting. He said I would have to wait til the paint "cured" some. In the heat of the day the smell was overwhelming and I could hardly breathe. There was NO air conditioning. I was so relieved that this new "home" was light, bright, and CLEAN!! I sat in the car and wept. How blessed I was to get this wonderful place, I hated to leave it but had to. Over the next month Sis improved and I began to move things from where I was to the apt. I had to start over. I had no dishes, no pots, no glasses. No furniture only a blow up mattress, two folding chairs and a folding table. I made a list and shopped the Goodwill  and the dollar store for items. It was a long time before I felt like the place was really mine. Sometimes I would wake up and be relieved it was not all a dream. 
It really does take time to make yourself a HOME.. mine has been a real pleasure more than most know. 

Saturday, February 24, 2018


Not long ago someone said to me.. "You sure are easy to please...why don't you ask for a better selection?". I was standing in a store looking at some items and there was not much there to choose from. This total stranger had no idea of what my life had been like or where I had come from. 
She had no idea that when you have NOTHING, you are homeless, not by choice, and are grateful for are EASY to PLEASE. 


It changes your whole existence. You look at life and things around you so different from others. A simple thing like eating out to others is just really exciting to you. 
Going into a grocery store and buying ANYTHING in the store you want is just a dream to you. Watching others talk about going to movies or other activities is something you would only wish to do. You MAKE do with what you have or your situation and you adapt. I learned to adapt and move on day by day. 

When I found myself sitting inside my storage space looking at my life's possessions and having to throw them in a dumpster because I could not sell them and had no way to keep them anymore. It really changed me. You have to totally start over. You suffer from depression and feel helpless and alone. Even with others around you, you still feel alone. They don't really  G E T  how it is to be where you are. You try everything you know to help yourself out of the situation you are in. You go to sleep praying for a miracle.

I got my miracle, the one I had been praying for in June of 2014. When my sister was sick in ICU at a hospital out of town, I sat there waiting to see what was going to happen to her and my cell phone rang. One of the apartments I had applied for
finally was available after 3 years of waiting. I was going to have a HOME again. MY own place to be. 
The excitement was overpowering to me, I cried thinking about how nice it would be to have a place of my own after all this time. I cried learning that my sister nearly died in that ICU. Dealing with her illness put my life second. I had to make a decision, do what I could to help myself. So yes with help, I took the apartment. I signed the papers for my own place just 6 days shy of my birthday. It was the greatest present I had gotten in my life. I got it sight unseen. Something I never would have thought of doing but given the circumstances, I just was grateful to get it. I was easy to please all right.. just to have a place of my own. I thought I will just deal with it the best I can. Day by day at a time. I had it one whole month before I could move in. 
...... more later....  


Wednesday, February 14, 2018


FEBRUARY is half way over. Our winter rolls on.. cold and snow and then warm and rain. I must say it has been a weird one. One bright light is that our little LILY is now standing on her own and  getting ready to walk around any day now. It is then that the fun starts.. trying to keep up with her. I love toddler exciting watching them experience things for the first time. How their face lights up with joy seeing Mom and Dad when they have been away. 😊


Monday, January 1, 2018

HAPPY 2018!!!


My first entry in 2018...  HAPPY NEW YEAR.. 
WE MADE IT... we actually made it through 2017.. what a year it was! 

Made my list last night of goals for this year. One is for health, and one is for making each day more organized. Yeah, started off my closet..getting rid of old stuff and finding more room in there. Felt great to get it all done. Horrid weather, very cold, so I took my walk in the hallway of my building. At least it is warmer than outside!!

So I know there are going to be some real changes this year.. I just hope we all survive them safe, happy  and healthy. 


Sunday, December 17, 2017


As the years roll by.. the holiday takes on a new meaning to me. I am not a HUM BUG person, I just am not as JOLLY as I used to be. This year I am not baking my cookies and making fudge. So many cannot have the goodies any more or are making their own. I found that people could not have the treats and just did not want to tell me. Sooo I decided this year I would just stop doing it.  Sad I know, but better than wasting all the money and time and work doing all the baking etc. 

LIFE sure changed after leaving the old house and neighborhood and so I learned, I guess, to just adjust to another kind of lifestyle. In our apartment building we all exchange cards and that is about it. When I first moved here there was a Christmas party thrown on the second Saturday of December. The whole 24 apts were invited.
That stopped in 2015, people moved away who did the planning and paid for most of it. Even a potluck sort of thing was passed up. We don't have a community room for such a gathering here anyway, it is up to individuals to plan to use their own apts.

So life goes on, another holiday is almost past. I like shopping for bargains, but this year will wait til AFTER the holiday for the best deals. My best present to myself was
MY PILLOW... I got a great deal and got two and they are wonderful. I am hoping they help me sleep better. Well, hope wherever you are, you and yours have a wonderful