BEFORE GOING HOME...

                                     

HOME...in my long journey to get there, I landed in several different cities, places, and situations. One was a tiny apartment that smelled like smoke and cats. No telling who lived there before me, but I was so glad just to be there for awhile. It lasted 4 months.I went out of state for a few weeks to check some jobs and places out. That lasted 3 weeks. I stayed with a friend for 4 months near the lake and that was a joy. I had no money to contribute much to bills and such and felt it a burden to stay on. I filled in many many applications and could not find work so I left there with an offer to stay with my sister. That was when the nightmare began. 

I HAD no idea what I was getting into. Sister had a large home full of "stuff". My mother's stuff,some of my stuff, her stuff. It ended up being rooms full of stuff. She
had many rooms sealed off and there was little heat. I stayed in my clothes and coat and slept in a chair in the living room for three days. When I got tired I would go upstairs and sleep in her bed when she got up. I would stay up there and try to move things around in the other room so I could put a bed in there. On the fourth night I had had enough. I made a call to social services to get some help. I used her car to go get some information the next day. When I got back home, there was a bed in the bedroom and I could finally make a space to rest. Social service could put me in a motel for awhile, but the ones in my town were not that good and one was actually dangerous.Sis figured she might get into trouble, so she moved the bed in the room while I was gone.  So I called them and told them I had decided to stay there. 

                               

                  

WHAT we didn't know was that Sis was getting sick. Very sick. I would be needed to help her out and was glad I was there to help. 

 I am a believer that you are where you are supposed to be. I don't question it. 

SO I stayed there at least 3 years. Three LONG years. I had my applications in for apartments and just waited. It was all I could do. I was sick so much of the time, that I could not work. I just did not have the energy to do it. I was looking for an apartment with a "voucher" attached so I could get a section 8 break.Those are so hard to find and with my income I just had to wait.  I got offers to leave there several times for visits with others for awhile. I took them gladly. When I would leave it was like a whole new world. Space, and I could breathe. I hated to go back, but knew I had to. I was beyond thrilled to get the call about the apartment. The ordeal where I was, made me feel like I had been so restricted. I was finally able to wake up from the nightmare and move on.  BUT NOT YET... 
                               

                   

                                             
 In the meantime, Sis had to go on STEROIDS. They changed her, and the sister I knew was no longer. She gained weight rapidly and was so easy to irritate that the cat and I gave her all the room she needed to try to deal. I hope I NEVER have to deal with that stuff EVER.  Several years later my sister is still not the person she was, it is a sad thing. Many trips to doctors and being transferred to larger hospitals helped find what was wrong with her. Her life changed drastically. She was forced to go on disability and stop working, she had been working since she was 18. So as she lingered there in the ICU I got the call for the apartment. I told her I would take it sight unseen. I had to wait to see if Sis was going to recover well. She had many appointments and could not drive.
                                

                    

 I had to wait and that was hard. It was in another town 15 min away. I chose the town because I had no car and could use the transit bus to go out.  It was July and it was hot. A nice older lady had lived in the apartment for  24 years. She was transferred to a nursing facility and that gave the manager time to give the apt a makeover. ALL new everything. It was a real blessing. 
I took the keys and had to get directions on how to get to the place.It was like buying a car or a house sight unseen. I did not know the city well and did not know where to go.  I opened the door and was smacked in the face with the odor of fresh paint, fresh carpet and linoleum. The maintenance man was there still painting. He said I would have to wait til the paint "cured" some. In the heat of the day the smell was overwhelming and I could hardly breathe. There was NO air conditioning. I was so relieved that this new "home" was light, bright, and CLEAN!! I sat in the car and wept. How blessed I was to get this wonderful place, I hated to leave it but had to. Over the next month Sis improved and I began to move things from where I was to the apt. I had to start over. I had no dishes, no pots, no glasses. No furniture only a blow up mattress, two folding chairs and a folding table. I made a list and shopped the Goodwill  and the dollar store for items. It was a long time before I felt like the place was really mine. Sometimes I would wake up and be relieved it was not all a dream. 
It really does take time to make yourself a HOME.. mine has been a real pleasure more than most know.