MOVING ON

Making baby steps to a new beginning takes time and work. Like two steps forward and 10 steps back. That is what it seems to be for me these days. I just am tired of all the confusion and unknown factors.  I am making an effort to move again and do all that packing and sorting that one does. I will be so glad to settle.. for me I want to get to a nice place and stay for a good long while.  Don't know when..so I wait..
                                         MEANWHILE.......
A family member is ill and I am trying to cope with that and find answers. The doctors seem to want to test everything and still not find the solution to the problem. Meanwhile the person gets sicker and sicker. Sad to say I have voiced my opinion to some of the said DOCTORS and have gotten those looks. YOU know what ones those are..." YOU know nothing...I KNOW IT ALL." Oh if they only WOULD listen.  We are on..let's see doctor number 4 now...hmmm maybe they all ought to get together for a consult.. Geez.. it's enough to make a person go crazy. 
                                         MEANWHILE.......
The weather is better so outside I can walk and work in the yard and try to forget all the stuff that is cluttering my mind. Easter is coming and usually I look forward to fixing a nice dinner and visiting with family. This year..not so much. We just want to keep ourselves going any way we can. HAPPY SPRING..the rains are here and the snow is GONE..except for those nasty big dirty piles in parking lots.. Hope that is the last of it til DECEMBER!!!      HAPPY SPRING FINALLY!!

HARD WEEK

It was a hard week for us as a family. Such hard news to hear that my niece had lost her baby that she had carried for 9 months. I won't go into details but we are still trying to deal with the loss and the shock. Our hearts are broken. 

The same day I received this tragic news I had come from the eye doctor shaken by the diagnosis of Glaucoma I hardly knew what to think. She said my prescription had changed very little and I could see well, EXCEPT for the Glaucoma. Somehow that sounded weird to me. 
How can I see well and not even know my eyes have this problem?? It's similar to blood pressure in a way. You can have a high number and not even know it. 

I had a ton of questions for the eye doctor. I am still mulling over the idea of a second opinion. These are my EYES..they are precious to me after all.. I sure don't want to make any mistakes or miss something that could hurt me in the future. So now I have to deal with this new illness and try to help it not progress further any faster than it is. There is a surgery, but it only relieves the water pressure build up in the eyes and will not stop the end result of eventual blindness. Scary thoughts creep in when thinking about being in a dark world, with no light. I just don't know what to think. So I end this week that brought us the first day of spring, warmer temps and melting snow, confused, and heartbroken.  

COMING TO THE END..

                                    

 

So I haven't been writing much here and there isn't much traffic either, so I will soon turn this place into a private blog. I just need to let go of some things that I cannot keep going. One blog is enough I guess. I will continue to keep my original Wordpress blog open.
You can find the link on the sidebar.  

THANKS FOR VISITING.....

ARE WE DEPRESSED??

On Valentine's day I went for my follow-up appointment for the "spell" I had. They said they opened at 8 AM. They did not. You stood in the cold, trying to keep your feet from freezing to the pavement, until they opened the doors. Many of us gathered complaining that this whole arrangement was crazy. I did mention I was GLAD it was not 20 below wind chill like the week before. I signed in and sat next to the heating vent hoping to stay away from anyone else that had ANYTHING I sure didn't want to catch. Dr. offices are the worst places to be when you are well. When I went back to the cubicle I was asked questions by the RN and all she could say was "Wow" and "Really"...while looking at my charts. I was in remarkable good health. Yay Me!!

 The young doctor, who was a volunteer there looked at my records, he asked me..so.."Are we depressed?".. Don't you just love that term.. "WE".. well  I didn't hesitate to answer him. YES, in less than 24 hours two weeks ago I went from not being depressed to really down and depressed. I told him that my little "SPELL" I had, cost me a fortune and it would be literally years before I would be able to catch up. AS they added on tests, my blood pressure continued to rise.Well I will now try to stay calm when the bills come because they will. Spring is coming, may new opportunities come with it. 


 Happy Valentine's day.. hmmm.. I got a nice surprise when I got back to the car. Sis had bought these delicious treats...from the bakery. It's been years since I had tasted one. They were freshly baked and were delicious. The line went outside the door with people waiting to purchase their Valentine goodies. I will long remember this holiday. 
Hope yours was wonderful too. 

MY WORLD WAS SPINNING..

Imagine yourself on a small boat drifting in a big ocean with no oars to row with. You see the skies darkening and you know something bad is coming but have no way to get away from there fast enough. The waters go from calm to violently rocking and swaying quickly.

It is hard to just stay in the boat and not fall out. 

This is sort of what happened to me this past week. I knew what was coming, but had no way to stop it. Try as I might, it kept getting worse. This feeling of loss of control as the room just went from a small rocking motion to really bad. I have had it before on several occasions. I  knew what to do, but this time I could not help myself like I wanted to. As the day went on the feeling got worse instead of better. I closed my eyes and that helped. I did not move and that helped. It just did not relieve the problem. It is worse than anything to lose control of ones balance and fight to try to get it back and lose the battle.

VERTIGO.. 

"Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) is one of the most common causes of vertigo — the sudden sensation that you're spinning or that the inside of your head is spinning.

Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo is characterized by brief episodes of mild to intense dizziness. Symptoms of benign paroxysmal positional vertigo are triggered by specific changes in the position of your head, such as tipping your head up or down, and by lying down, turning over or sitting up in bed. You may also feel out of balance when standing or walking."

My case was the room moving and when my eyes tried to focus they twitched and I felt even more out of it. You cannot drink or eat, the waves of nausea come over you so you wait for them to pass. If you have ever experienced it you will not ever want to again.  I was perfectly fine only minutes before this episode, so all of the sudden you feel like a truck has run over you. 

Why it got so bad, why it started..I didn't know. As it got worse several strange things happened. I stood up, which was hard enough to do, and then had a tingling sensation from the top of my head to my toes. THAT was new, I had never had that before. The doctors later said they had no idea why I had that, but they had to check it out. 

CHECK they did..I spent SEVEN HOURS in the ER, being prodded and poked by people talking to me whom I could not see. If I opened my eyes it was worse so I didn't. It gave me a whole new perspective and appreciation for the gift of sight. 

MORE TO COME....